I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior at the age of fourteen. Sitting in the basement of my best friend Kendra’s house, I followed along in my Bible as her father read aloud from John 3:16, “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Kendra’s mom looked at me. “Do you believe Jesus is the only son of God?”
“Yes.”
“Do you understand he died on the cross so you could go to heaven?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?”
We bowed our heads. Sandwiched on the sofa between Kendra’s mother and father I reverently repeated the sinner’s prayer professing faith in Christ Jesus by inviting Him into my life.
I meant that prayer.
How was it, then, my life from that time forward was anything but Christ-like? I was promised transformation and new desires of the heart. I was taught that becoming a Christian meant I was blameless before God. I understood I would no longer be a sinner. Then how could I, as a child of God, become a High Priestess of a Wiccan coven? How could I lie, cheat and steal? And why, over time, would I run whole-heartedly into the arms of various men rather than seeking love and comfort from Jesus?
“But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.” ~ Isaiah 59:2
I never understood I was a sinner. I delved eagerly into a relationship of loving God but it never occurred to me to need Him. The Bible teaches that sin separates us from God. It even adds that because of our sin, God has hidden his face from us and won’t hear our prayers. Was it possible the Lord of all creation would choose to ignore the prayer of a fourteen-year-old girl? What sin could I have possibly been guilty of at fourteen? Furthermore, was I to understand that God viewed all sin equally? I couldn’t imagine ending up in hell alongside a murderer. What rubbish! If God would do that, I wanted nothing to do with Him.
But I wanted there to be a God. So, the quest began where I experimented my way through a twisting, turning labyrinth of various religious beliefs and New Age philosophy. For almost twenty years I adhered to a code of moral relativism. Until one day a friend challenged me.
“Do you think you’re a good person?” He asked, his blue eyes blazing like baited sapphires across the table where we sat enjoying late-night french fries at Denny’s restaurant.
I bit the inside corner of my mouth, sensing a trap but too intrigued to back down. I’ll bite. “Sure.” I smirked. I pulled my eyes away from his intense stare and focused on dipping my fry into the catsup.
“Mind if I ask you a few questions to see if that’s true?”
I giggled. “Go for it.” I popped the fry into my mouth and licked the remaining salt off my fingers.
“Have you ever told a lie?” He asked.
“Of course.”
“What does that make you?”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. This was silly. “A liar.” I said as if talking to a child.
He continued, undaunted. “Have you ever stolen anything?”
“Yes.” It was hard not to laugh.
“What does that make you?”
“A stealer.”
Now it was his turn to laugh. “It makes you a thief.” He corrected, charmingly.
I tried not to blush.
“Okay,” He continued, “One more. Have you ever looked at a guy and lusted after him?”
Was he serious?! What did he think I was doing right then? My stomach flip-flopped. “I have.” I admitted sheepishly. I dared to look at him. His face looked sad and his eyes were dulled by compassion.
“By your own admission you are a lying, thieving, adulterer at heart and we have only looked at three of the Ten Commandments.” Careful not to touch me, he leaned across the table allowing his body language to convey the importance of his message. “If you were to be judged by the Ten Commandments on Judgment Day, would you be innocent or guilty?”
“Guilty.” I whispered.
“The law of the Lord is perfect converting the soul.” ~Psalm 19:7
John MacArthur wrote, “Grace means nothing to a person who does not know he is sinful and that such sinfulness means he is separated from God and damned. It is therefore pointless to preach grace until the impossible demands of the Law and the reality of guilt before God are preached.” This was my story! Twenty years ago I was a victim of modern–day evangelism. I had been preached a message of God’s grace without first seeing my need for a Savior. At fourteen I didn’t understand I was a sinner. At thirty-four I was wearing sin like a badge of honor.
“In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead.” ~Acts 17:31
Now I know there will come a day when I will be held accountable for everything I’ve done. God is perfect, holy and just. I know that breaking only one of God’s laws is enough to keep me out of heaven. If I am to be judged by the Ten Commandments, I have broken every single one…multiple times! As a result the gates of heaven are closed to me. I am doomed.
How about you? Have you kept all of the commandments? Have you ever told a lie? If so, that makes you a liar. Have you ever stolen anything, even if it’s small? That makes you a thief. Have you committed adultery? Did you know that Jesus says to even look upon another with lust is to have committed adultery with them already in your heart? (Matthew 5:27-28) Jesus also says to hate someone is to murder them. (1 John 3:15) On Judgment Day, will you be innocent or guilty?
“The Law is not made for a righteous person, but…for sinners.”
~ 1 Timothy 1:9-10
Fortunately we have a loving, merciful God. Do you know what God did so you could go to heaven? First, he provided a perfect law designed to convert the soul. (Psalm 19:7). Being told that Christ died upon the cross for our sins is foolishness and offensive when we don’t think we’ve sinned. (1 Corinthians 1:18) Only when we’ve become aware of our transgressions can we see our need for a Savior. Galatians 3:24 tells us that God’s Law acts as “our school master to bring us to Jesus Christ that we might be justified through faith.”
In his infinite grace God sent his one and only son, who was without sin and blameless in everyway, to die upon a cross for our transgressions. In so doing, Christ paid the fine allowing you and I access to heaven.
“God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” ~John 3:16
Now that I understand these things I’ve written a book titled, Journey to the Son. Journey to the Son has within it ten chapters dedicated to each of the Ten Commandments, where I share my personal story of how I’ve broken each and every one of them. My hope is that in reading these stories women will realize that we are all the same when it comes to breaking God’s law. We all have need of a Savior.
Since writing my book, God has put it on my heart to invite other women to share their stories. Would you consider sharing your story with me for a compilation book I’m putting together titled, Journey to the Son: Every Woman? You may view the writer’s guidelines by clicking on this link.
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